Ghost World brrip movie 2001

High school is like
the training wheels

for the bicycle
of real life.

It is a time when
young people can explore

different
fields of interests

and hopefully learn
from their experiences.

In coming to terms with
my own personal setback,

I have been able to learn

that I don't need to rely
on drugs and alcohol,

and that I'm very lucky
that more people

besides myself and kerry

weren't injured
in the accident,

and I have learned

that to overcome
life's obstacles

you need faith, hope,

and above all,

a sense of humor.

 No more education

 It's time for celebration

 'cause this is the day of
our high school graduation

 We've stayed
for the duration

 Achieved matriculation

 Now we're the newest members
of the general population

God, what a bunch
of retards.

God, I know.

I thought that chipmunk-face
was never gonna shut up.

I know. I liked her
so much better

when she was an
alcoholic crack addict.

She gets in
one car wreck

and all of a sudden
she's little miss perfect

and everyone loves her.

Let's see if they gave me
the right diploma.

What?!

What?

These assholes are saying
I have to go to summer school

and take some stupid
art class.

Why?

I didn't think that
just 'cause you get an "f"

you have to take
the whole class over again.

Loser.

Wow. This is so bad,
it's almost good.

This is so bad,
it's gone past good

and back to bad again.

At least
we'll never have to see

any of these creepy
faces ever again.

Unless they're in your
summer school class.

Shut up.

Don't--don't
turn around.

What, why?

Don't
turn around.

Damn it.

Oh, my God. You guys,
I can't believe we made it.

Yeah. We graduated
high school.

How totally amazing.

So what are you guys
doing this summer?

Nothing.

Well, I'm going to
this actor's workshop,

and I'm hoping to start
auditions soon.

Oh, we have to get together
this summer.

Yeah.

That'll definitely happen.

Oh, well, bye, you guys.

Congratulations!

Hey, Rebecca.

Oh, hi.

So, we finally--

what about me?

Am I not even here?

Hey. Hey, enid.

So, we finally
made it, huh?

Yeah.

So, uh, where are you
gonna go to college?

We're not.

Really?

Both of you?
Why not?

Just because.

Yeah, we made
other plans.

I guess
I should have figured

that you two would
do something different.

So, Todd, what are you
gonna be when you grow up?

Um, well, I'm majoring

in business
administration,

and I'm thinking
of minoring

in communications, so--

see, that's exactly
the type of thing

we're trying to avoid.

Look at this.

Is Stacy himmler going out
with rod harbaugh?

Oh, God.
How perfect.

He better watch out

or he'll get aids
when he date-rapes her.

 Where is the love

 You said
you'd give to me

 Soon as you were free

 Will it ever be

God, just think.

We'll never
see Dennis again.

Good.

No, really.
Think about that.

It's actually
totally depressing.

Man on television: Is it
crazy for an oil company

to care
about the environment?

We don't think so.

I already told you

I'm not going
to college.

Well, I think
it's a good idea

to keep
all your options open.

You can even enroll
in the winter quarter.

You could--actually,
you could live here

and go to the city college
part time,

and, I don't know,
still get a job if you want.

Look at me.

I'm not even listening
to a word you're saying.

Oh, did I tell you who
I ran into at the bagel place?

Who?

Guess.

How should I know?

Well...

someone from the past.

Who?

You give up?

Yes.

Maxine.

Notthemaxine.

Mmm, yeah.

Oh, God.
How horrifying.

Mmm.

It's very good.

Jesus.

Hi.

Check out these people
behind you.

I'm totally convinced
they're satanists.

So when are we gonna start
looking for our apartment?

Soon.

I have to wait and see how
this summer class goes first.

God, it's so weird

that we're finally
out of high school.

We've been waiting for this,
like, our whole lives.

It's such a weird feeling.

Yeah. It hasn't really
hit me yet.

Well, well, well.

If it isn't
enid and Rebecca.

The little Jewish girl
and her Aryan friend.

You're late, asshole.

Fine, and how are you?

Did you bring the tape?

You never paid me for the tape
of that Indian dance routine.

Yes, I did.

You Jews are so clever
with money.

Fuck you! You stupid
redneck hick.

There they go.

Look, the satanists
are leaving.

Hey, we should follow them.

Oh,
we totally have to.

Oh, my God!

So, what do you do

if you're a satanist,
anyway?

Sacrifice virgins
and stuff.

Well, that let's us
off the hook.

How the hell did we get
so far behind them?

I don't know.
That's just great.

Jesus!

Ooh, yay.

Oh, my God.

Look at this.

"Wowsville"?

Authentic
fifties diner.

Since when were
there mini-malls

in the 1950s?

Music for the riders

we off the hook

Music for the riders

Who could forget
this great hit

from the 50s, huh?

I feel as though
I've stepped

into a time warp.

Hey, check out
the awesome 50s hairdo

on our waiter.

Hi.

My name is Allen,

and I'll be your waiter
this afternoon.

Hi, Al.

Can we call you
"Weird Al"?

I'd imagine so.

You should check out
the personals.

Maybe our future husbands
are trying to contact us.

Here we go.

"Windsurfing doctor,
mensan IQ,

"Maverick
sagittarius.

Let's hit the clubs,
make each other laugh."

you can have that one.

Jesus, listen
to this one.

"Do you remember me,
airport shuttle,

"June 7?

"You, striking blond
with yellow dress,

"pearl necklace,
brown shoes.

"I was the bookish
fellow

"in the green
cardigan

"who helped you find
your contact lens.

Am I crazy, or did
we have a moment?"

God, that's so pathetic.

I mean, she probably
didn't even notice him.

I know,
and he's, like,

psychotically
obsessing

over every little
detail.

We should call him and
pretend to be the blond.

Oh, we totally
have to.

It's his machine.

Hi, it's me.

Your striking blond.

Of course
I remember you.

Let's get together
for lunch sometime.

How about Friday
at 1:00?

Meet me at my
favorite restaurant,

wowsville.

It's in the mall
on century parkway.

See you there,
darling.

Oh, yeah, and be sure

to wear that sexy
green cardigan.

Oh! It's that comedian
I was telling you about.

I still live
with my mother...

he's the absolute worst.

...peculiar.

So what if she's been
dead for 15 years?

See? That's barely
even a joke.

Well, it's like
I always say...

take my life. Please.

Joey McCobb,

the weirdest man
in show business.

If he's so weird,
how come he's wearing nikes?

Joey McCobb is our God.

I wanna do him.
I bet.

Actually,
he kind of reminds me

of that one guy
you went out with--Larry.

God, what look
was he going for,

a gay tennis player
from the forties?

Fuck you.

You dated him.

Why do you have this?

I don't know.

You lent it to me
in, like, tenth grade.

Oh, look at
how cute I am.

What a little hose bag.

Oh, look, there's
my dad with Maxine.

God, look at her.
What a fucking monster.

If he starts dating her
again, I'll kill myself.

Listen, lady,

you tell me you want
to relax your hair.

So you either
sing it a lullaby

or you use this.
It's all I've got.

Hey, what you doing?

You have 5 minutes
left on your shift.

Well, hello there,

young employee
of the sidewinder.

Look, I already
told you guys,

I'm not gonna
give you a ride.

What can you tell me,
young man,

about the, uh, various
flavors of frozen yogurt?

I'll be done
in a minute.

Can you guys, like,
wait outside or something?

Oh, I don't understand.

I simply wish to know
the various--

Josh,
what are you doing?

In addition to our
old favorites,

chocolate and vanilla,

this week
we are featuring

6-gun strawberry,
wild cherry roundup,

and 10-gallon
tangerine.

I don't believe I care
for any of those.

What's up, Josh?

Hey, give me 2 packs
of cigarettes today.

Working overtime.
16 hours.

And, uh,
nature's nectar,

wake up juice.

And give me,
uh, like,

6 of these beef jerkys.

Hungry enough
to chew the crotch

out of a rag doll.

Hey! Hey, you!

How many times
I tell you,

no shirt,
no service.

Get the hell out
of my store.

What do you think
this is, club med?

It's America, dude.
Learn the rules.

No, no,
you learn the rules.

We greeks
invented democracy.

You also invented homos.

Fuck you.

You wish. You gotta
buy me dinner first.

So.

Look, can we talk
about this in a minute?

Seriously, I'm like
this close to being done.

Yeah.

Son of a bitch.

Hey, what do you
think you're doing?

Turn off that
goddamn noise.

Rock 'n' roll, baby.
Freedom of speech.

What do you think
this is, Woodstock?

That guy rules!

Let's go, pops.
Who, Doug?

That guy spends
more time in here

than I do.

It's my parking lot.

So, Josh, will you please
give us a ride?

Please, Josh?

No.

Please?
It'll be super fun.

Please, Josh.

Look, I don't see
why you guys

even need a ride.

You could walk there
in 2 minutes.

It's just
an excuse for us

to spend time
with you, Josh.

If this guy freaks out,
will you protect us?

This guy has every
reason to freak out.

When you
think about it,

this is a pretty
fucked up thing

to do to somebody.

I think Josh is
becoming too mature for us.

Oh, look,
maybe that's him.

Mmm, no, it's still
25 minutes too early.

Aren't there like
a million places like this?

Um, this is the ultimate.

It's like the Taj Mahal
of fake fifties diners.

So where's
the weird Al guy?

Shh!

Oh, there he is
back there.

I can see his hair
bobbing up and down.

I wanna make love
to him.

I'm gonna tell him
you said that.

So nice to see you
again, ladies.

Hi, weird Al.

My friend here has--

shut up!

She says
she wants to--

shut up!

 supersonic,
technophonic...

Oh, my God.

God, that is
obviously him.

 Hey sha-LA-ba,
doop doop sha-LA-ba

 Ooh, sha-LA-ba, doop doop
sha-LA-bee-ya-ba

 Hey, sha-LA-ba

 doop doop sha-LA-ba

 Ooh, sha-LA-ba

 Doop doop sha-LA-ba-da

 Ooh sha-LA-ba

Oh, my God.

He just ordered
a giant glass of milk.

That's a vanilla
milkshake.

 In the sun, sun, sun

 'Cause you're
the one, one, one

 We're gonna have fun

 We are gonna have...

Oh, God, this is
totally unbearable.

 In the sun, sun, sun

 'Cause you're
the one, one, one

 We're gonna have fun

 gonna have fun, fun, fun

 in the sun, sun, sun

Fucking asshole!
What's wrong with you?!

Oh, my God.

It's him.

Can anybody drive?

He's insane.

We should
follow him home.

Forget it.

Oh, come on,
Josh.

Don't you want
to at least

see where
this guy lives?

No.

God, he lives right
in our neighborhood.

He doesn't even look

all that bummed out,
really.

I know.

Well, wouldn't he be,
like, totally pissed off?

This type of thing

must happen to him
all the time.

Mirror, father, mirror.

Mirror, father, mirror.

Mirror, father, mirror.

Mirror, father, mirror.

Mirror, father, mirror.

Mirror, father, mirror.

That piece is entitled
mirror, father, mirror.

I like to show it
to people

that I'm meeting
for the first time,

because I think it says
so much about who I am

and what it feels like

to inhabit
my specific skin.

And this is exactly

what I'm hoping to get
from each of you

over the course
of this summer.

A picture of your own
self-exploration.

Now my own background

is in video
and performance art.

But I'm hoping that
doesn't influence you

too much,

and you'll find
your own ways

of externalizing
the internal.

And at the end
of the summer,

this class
has been invited

to participate
in a show

of high school art

at the neighborhood
activity center.

The title of the show
will be

"brotherhood
and community:

Art as dialogue."

are there any questions
so far?

Great.

This is
really creepy.

We just need
to find out

what apartment
he's in,

and we'll stalk him
from a distance.

I'm afraid
if I see him,

I'll start feeling
really bad again.

Huh.

This is girl mail.

This is computer
catalogs and stuff.

"The w.c. fields
fan club newsletter."

oh, my God, the national
psoriasis foundation.

Bingo.

Did you hear something?

I'll be damned
if I'll let my daughter

on TV looking like that.

Come on.

What if he
recognizes us?

Shh.

My daughter is 38dd.

She sends photos of her
breasts over the Internet.

She's using her body
to make money.

Eww, look at this.

Eww. Gross.

Mmm, kinda cute.

Ugh, it looks
like a gross rat.

That's a mongoose.

How much is it?

Um...

that's not officially
for sale.

I, uh, I might have
to hang on to that

for the time being.

So, um, you looking for
anything in particular?

Do you have any
other old records

besides these?

Seymour does.

Who does?

Oh, uh, him. Seymour.

He's, uh, he's the man
with the records.

Um, do you have any
old Indian records?

Indian records?

Yeah. You know, like,

old Indian 1960s
rock 'n' roll music.

I may have one
hindu 78

in my collection
from the twenties,

but it's, uh,

that's not
really for sale.

I--I don't really
collect foreign.

Those are all 78s.

You play 78s?

Oh, maybe not 78s,

but I can play
regular records.

Well, there's some
good stuff in here.

You like old music?

Yeah, it's good.

There's some choice lps
in here that, uh,

reissue some really
great old blues stuff.

Hmm.
How about this one?

Is it any good?

Nah, that one's
not so great.

Excuse me.

This is the one
I'd recommend.

It's, uh...

this track alone
by Memphis minnie

is worth about $500

if you own
the original 78.

I know the guy who
owns the original

and lent it for use
on this reissue.

Wow.
[laughs]

How much is it?

$1.75.

If you don't
like it,

you can
bring it back

for a refund.

We're here
every Saturday.

I'm sure it's ok.

Enjoy.

It was so cute how
he had his own little bags.

I thought I was gonna
start crying.

Yeah, he should totally
just kill himself.

Oh, here's one.

Oh, but you have
to share with a...

"nonsmoking feminist
and her 2 cats."

I don't know.
I kinda like him.

He's the exact opposite

of everything
I really hate.

In a way, he's such
a clueless dork,

he's almost kind of cool.

The guy's many things,

but he's definitely
not cool.

This would be good,
but there's no kitchen.

Yeah, but...

you know what I mean.

Not really.

Forget it.
I can't explain it.

Oh, my God.

What are you guys
doing here?

What are you
doing here, melorra?

my acting workshop

is across the street
from here.

I'm just on my break.

Well, we won't keep you.

I love this place.

It's so, um,
I don't know.

You know,
um, funky.

So, what are you guys up to?

We're looking
for apartments.

God, how cool.
Where are you moving?

We don't know yet.
That's why we're lookin'.

Somewhere downtown.

God, that's so exciting.

Oops, I should go.

Bye, you guys.
Call me.

Bye.

Funky.

What, is she black now?

So I was thinking that

when we look
for our apartment,

we have to try and
convince these people

that we're, like, these
totally rich yuppies.

What are you
talking about?

Well, you know, I mean,

that's who people
wanna rent to.

So all we have to do
is buy, like,

semi-expensive outfits,

and I think
it's no big deal.

It'll be really fun.

 What do I get?

 Oh, what do I get?

 What do I get?

 Oh, what do I get?

 I only get
sleepless nights

 Alone here in my
half-empty bed

 For you things
seem to turn

out right

Honey, have you seen
my blue spatula?

What, are you makin'
pancakes?

No, not if I can't find
that goddamn spatula.

 What do I get?

 Oh, what do I get?

 Aw

That's just great.

When did you do that?

God, how long have you
been standing there?

Hey look.
There's the pants.

Where are we going?

Let's go hassle Josh.

Hassle?

Oh, look.
There he is.

As always.

Waiting for
the bus that never comes.

I wonder if he's just
totally insane,

or really thinks
the bus is coming?

Why don't you
just ask him?

Hi. What's your
name?

Norman.

Are you waiting
for a bus?

Yes.

I hate to tell
you this,

but they canceled
this bus line

2 years ago.

There are
no more busses

on this street.

You don't know what
you're talking about.

Josh!

Josh!

Josh!

You know, I bet
he's in there jerking off.

I'll bet he never
jerks off.

Yeah, he's beyond
human stuff like that.

Should we leave
a note?

Yeah, you got a pen?

Yeah.

Dear Josh,

we came by
to fuck you,

but you were
not home.

Therefore,
you are gay.

Signed Tiffany
and Amber.

You're gonna
leave that?

Why not?

Why do we have
to go in here?

I hate this place.

Don't worry.
It'll only take a second.

Whoever told you that
bullshit about boiling

is out of his mind.

Carpet beetles
are the only way

to get the flesh
off the corpse.

I'm just tellin' you
what he said.

Don't you creeps ever talk
about anything nice?

Don't you ever talk about,
like, Fluffy kittens

or the easter bunny?

Look who's talkin'
little miss badass.

Yeah, nice outfit.

Who are you supposed
to be, cyndi lauper?

Blow me, doofus.

Oh, my God.
Didn't they tell you?

Tell me what?

Punk rock is over.

I know it's over,
asshole.

Do you really wanna
fuck up the system?

Go to business school.

That's what
I'm gonna do.

Get a job at some
big corporation

and, like, fuck things
up on the inside.

You know, I'm not even--

yeah, yeah,
yeah, yeah, yeah.

Hey, you have
my money?

Oh, oh, how punk.

You know that tape
sucked, by the way?

Oh, I'm so sorry
if it offended Jew.

Go die, asshole.

Get a job.

God, fuck you.

Can we go now?

You know,
it's not like

I'm some modern punk,
dickhead.

It's obviously a 1977
original punk rock look.

I guess Johnny fuckface
over there

is too stupid
to realize it.

I didn't really
get it, either.

Everyone's too stupid.

 Yeah, what do I get?

 What do I

 Now you don't
have to worry

 We ain't so old

 Now, if you've
got the line

 I got the pole

 Now, tell me, dear

 Don't you know?

 We'll have a good time

 Would you like to go?

 I'd rather be the devil

 To be that woman, man

 I'd rather be the devil

 To be that woman, man

 Aw, nothin'
but the devil

 Changed my baby's mind

Yeah, it, um,
took me a while

before I got a chance
to actually play it,

but once I heard that
song, it was like--

you liked, it, huh?

Yeah. There's some really,
uh, rare performances.

Uh, what about, uh,

did you like
the Memphis minnie?

Yeah,
that was good, too.

The whole record
was good,

but that one song,
devil got my woman,

I mostly just keep
playing that

over and over.

Do you have any other
records like that?

There are no other
records like that.

Actually, I--I have

the original 78
in my collection.

It's, uh, it's one
of maybe 5 known copies.

Wow.

Yeah.
Do you wanna see it?

I can run upstairs
and get it.

Um, sure, yeah.

Watch my stuff.

Here we go.
It's, uh...

it's only about
a b-minus.

It's got an
incipient lam crack,

but it plays decent
as I recall.

Oops, I dropped it!
Oh!

Jeez!

I was only kidding.

Um.

Jesus, Seymour,
are you all right?

Yeah, it's just, uh...

it's, uh,
it's very valuable.

Now, last week,
I asked you

to try to create
a piece of artwork

that responds
to something you have

strong feelings about.

I merely
wanna help you find

the best way to look
within yourselves,

the best key
to your particular lock,

and it looks like we have

some really interesting
work up here. Thanks.

What can you tell us
about your piece, uh...

Phillip.

Uh, it's about
the mutilator.

My goodness.

Yeah, it's a really
great video game

about a guy
who kills people

with a big hammer.

Oh, I thought maybe

this was supposed
to be your father.

uh...

what can you tell us
about this piece...

Enid.
Enid.

Well, it's, um,

kind of a diary,
I guess.

Colorful. Hmm.

Oh.

I think that Phillip
and enid

can help us to see that

there are many
different ways

we can express ourselves.

We can do things
like these cartoons

that are amusing

as a sort of a light
entertainment,

or we can do work

that is more serious
in scope, in feeling,

and that deals with issues.

Emotional,
spiritual, political,

of great importance.

Who is responsible
for this?

I am.

Talk to us
about it.

It's my response
to the issue

of a woman's
right to choose.

Mm-hmm.
It's something

I feel super
strongly about.

Hmm.

Isn't this
a wonderful piece, class?

This definitely falls

into that higher
category of art

I was speaking of earlier.

In a world where
nothing is what it seems...

in a time of uncertainty...

the future is about
to be placed--

hello, welcome
to masterpiece video.

How may I help you
this afternoon, sir?

I'm looking
for a copy of8 1/2.

Is that
a new release, sir?

No, it's the classic
Italian film.

Yes, sir.

Just check that
on the computer

for you, sir.

Hello, how are you young
ladies this afternoon?

May I help you find

a particular
masterpiece movie?

No.

Yes, here it is.

9 1/2 weeks
with Mickey Rourke.

That would be

in the neurotic
drama section.

No, not9 1/2, 8 1/2.
The fellini film.

How about this one?

Forget it.
I'm sure it sucks.

All these movies suck.

There's so much
magic in the world.

So much beauty.

America's
top critics agree

the flower
that drank the moon...

Let's get outta here.

This place makes me sick.

We have to do
something fun tonight.

It's my last weekend
of freedom

before I start
my stupid job.

Making magic...

I know a party
we could go to later.

Romantic and magical.

Really? Where?

It's a surprise.

Some records I will
pay serious money for,

provided that they're
a sincere v-plus.

Other than that,

I just prefer
to have 'em on cd.

But cds will never
have the presence

of an original 78.

Wrong. A digital transfer,
adequately mastered,

will sound identical
to the original.

You have a decent equalizer?

I have a klipsch 2b3.

Well, obviously
the problem.

You expect
a 10-band equalizer

to impart
state-of-the-art sound?

Dream a little dream.

It's never gonna happen.

I totally,
totally hate you.

Oh, come on.
This is a fun party.

Hawkins
and his orchestra,

do you
have that?

That's nice, but no.

Golden wedding?

Oh, I know that.

What's the story

with the 2 cheerleaders
over there?

They're Seymour's.

Seymour? no.

You gotta
be kidding me.

Don't worry about it.

I lived with the guy
for 5 years.

He's not gettin' any.
Neither are you.

Hey, you know what?

Listen to me, Joe,
all right?

Let me tell you
something, Joe, ok?

You can't score
a home run

without swinging
the bat, all right?

Physically impossible.

Right.

Watch and learn, padre.

How's it goin', Adam?

There's a seat
right there.

Hey, mind
if I sit down?

Yes.

Oh, man.
That was cold.

you're all right.

You're pretty sharp.

Hey, you're wearin'
a green dress.

What are you, Irish?

I bet you're Irish.
What's your name?

Melorra.

Ah, Melorra.

So, uh, so listen
to me, Melorra.

You know, uh, let me
tell you something.

You seem like an interesting
chick, you know.

What are you doing

hanging here
with all these losers?

You know, I mean,
what do you say

you and me go hit
some night spots?

Well, Melorra,

I'll be right back.

I'm gonna
get a beer.

No, enid, wait.

Hey, that's all right.

It has a large
center hole

and a hair crack.

But the crack
is so tight,

it's completely
inaudible.

But a tight hair crack
is just that--a crack.

I don't collect
cracked records.

I only pay premium
on mint records.

Seymour, you know that.
Please.

So, what was all that

about enlarged holes
and tight cracks?

I--I didn't think
you would

have any interest
in this get-together.

If you would have
told me you were coming,

I would have warned you

it's not like a real
party or anything.

Yeah, you're right
about that.

So, is this your
record collection?

God, no. This is just
junk I have for sale.

The record room
is off limits.

Really?

Here.

Are all these records?

Yeah, I've got about,
uh, 1,50078s at this point.

I've tried to pare down
my collection

to just the essential.

Look at this room.

This is like
my dream room.

Look at
all this stuff.

You are, like, the luckiest
guy in the world.

I would kill to have
stuff like this.

Please. Go ahead
and kill me.

Oh, come on. What are
you talking about?

Well, you think
it's healthy

to obsessively
collect things?

Can't connect
with other people,

so you fill
your life with stuff.

I'm just like
all the rest

of these pathetic
collector losers.

No, you're not.
You're a cool guy, Seymour.

If I'm so cool,
how come I haven't

had a girlfriend in,
like, 4 years?

I can't even
remember

the last time
a girl talked to me.

I'm talking to you.

You know, I bet
there are tons of women

who'd go out
with you in a minute.

I know I could get you
a date in, like, 2 seconds.

Good luck.

I mean it. You leave
everything to me,

I'm gonna be your own
personal dating service.

Yeah, well,
we should get back.

By the end of the summer,

you're gonna be
up to your neck in pussy.

Jesus.

What about her?

Would you go out with her?

What kind of
a question is that?

I mean, it's totally
irrelevant

because
a girl like that

would never be
caught dead with me.

Yeah, but put that
aside for now.

Would you
go out with her?

I really didn't
get a good look at her.

Yes, you did. Whoa.

What about her?

Are you into girls
with big tits?

Jesus.

I mean, as long
as she's not

a complete imbecile,

and she's even
remotely attractive.

Hey, look.
There's Norman.

Hi, Norman.

We need to find a place

where you can go
to meet women

who share
your interests.

Wall, maybe I don't
wanna meet someone

who shares my interests.
I hate my interests.

Yeah, yeah. Just list
your 5 main interests

in order of importance.

Ah, I'd have to put
traditional jazz, blues,

uh, and then ragtime
at the top of the list.

Right, so, let's
just say music.

That way,
we only use up one.

All right. um...

can we go in here
for a second?

Just for a second?

Hi, Josh.

Hi.

Just stopping by
to say hi.

Yeah.

This is my friend
Seymour.

Ok, well, we'll see you
later, Josh.

Josh,
what you goddamn doing?

Clean up that
fucking mess! Jesus.

So, was that--
was that your boyfriend?

Josh? He's nobody's
boyfriend.

He's just this guy

that Becky and I
like to torture.

But do you...

are you--are you
going out--

oh, my God. We have
to go in here. Come on.

Yeah, sure.
Very funny.

Come on. Please?

Becky and I have been
dying to go in here,

but we can never find
anyone to take us.

I would really
rather not.

Just for a minute.
It'll be a riot.

I don't think so.
Please.

Please.

Oh, my God.
Look at all these creeps.

Hey,
hey, hey, shh.

Ok, can we go?

This place
is a total riot.

What are you doing?

Oh, my God.

Who--who would actually
have sex with this thing?

Corporate slut.
Sophisticated.

Come on. Can we go?

Seymour.

You have to lend me
the money to buy this.

I don't really have

a lot of money
on me right now.

Oh, come on, Seymour.
Please?

Look, I don't
want this showing up

on a credit card
statement.

I'll get put on some
weird mailing list.

It's not that much.

No, that's not
the point.

Gimme all your money,
bitch.

Where did you get that?

You'll never believe it.
Guess.

Um, where?

Anthony's.

No way. When?

Just now.
I went with Seymour.

You cunt.

Excuse me.

I can't read
the trivia question.

"Where on the human body

is the Douglas pouch
located?"

ha.

Oh, God.

Slightly below
the uterus on a female.

wow.

He does that
every single day.

I'll have
a decaf-mocha to go.

One decaf-mocha.

Decaf-mocha.

Can I get you--

no, I do not want
a biscotti with that.

God. How can you stand
all these assholes?

Some people are ok,
but mostly

I just feel like
poisoning everybody.

Well, at least
the wheelchair guy

is entertaining.

He doesn't even
need that wheelchair.

He's just totally lazy.

that rules.

No, it really doesn't.
You'll see.

You'll be totally sick
of all the creeps

and losers and weirdos.

But those are our people.

Yeah, well.

So, when are you
gonna get a job?

I'm workin' on it.

Got a few leads,
you know.

Don't worry about it.
I'll get a job next week.

God, I can't believe

you went to Anthony's
without me.

Oh, uh, sweetie.
Hon--uh, honey,

would you come in here
for a minute?

Sweetie, you, um,
you remember Max--Maxine?

Hi, Enid.

Hi.

I'm gonna go to bed.
I'm really tired.

Well, honey,
I made spaghetti.

You don't want some?

No, I have
to get up early

for class tomorrow.

It's really
quite something

to see you all grown up
like this, enid.

I'd love to know
what you're doing now.

I can't help but feel

I had some small part
in how you turned out.

What are you studying?

You were always such
a smart little girl.

I'm taking a remedial
high school art class

for fuck-ups
and retards.

Who is this.
Enid?

It's supposed
to be don knotts.

And what was
your reason

for choosing him
as your subject?

I don't know.
I just like don knotts.

Interesting.

Well, what do we
have here, Margaret?

It's a tampon
in a teacup.

I can see that.

Now, what can you
tell us about it?

First of all,

what kind of
sculpture is this?

It's a found object.

That's where an artist
takes an ordinary object

and places it
in artistic context,

and thus,
it becomes art.

But what can you
tell us about it

in regard to your
artistic intent?

Well, I guess
I see the teacup

as a symbol
for womanhood.

Such as tea parties
in the olden days,

but instead of tea,

I was trying to kind
of confront people

with this, like, um--

this
shocking image

of repressed
femininity.

Right. Exactly.

Oh, well, I think

it's a really
wonderful piece,

and it illustrates
perfectly

what I was saying

about
not being afraid

to use controversial
imagery.

Oh, well,
this looks like

the work of Phillip.

Hey, you see that guy
over there?

Which one?

The blond guy over there.

He gives me, like,
a total boner.

He's, like, the biggest
idiot of all time.

You guys up for
some reggae tonight?

Ok, you're right.

Sometimes I think
I'm going crazy

from sexual frustration.

and you haven't heard

of the miracle
of masturbation.

Heads up.

Hey.

My band's playing here
on Friday night,

and, uh--well,
there's gonna be a bunch

of cool bands
playing and stuff,

and you don't
have to pay...

if you show 'em
this flier at the door.

You should
come check it out.

Which band is yours?

It'salien autopsy.

Oh. Bitchin'.

Yeah, well--

maybe I'll
see you there.

Yeah, thanks.

God, what a dork.

You're just jealous.

trust me, at this point,

I'm past the fact
that every single guy

likes you
better than me.

Oh, face it, you just
hate every single guy

on the face of the earth.

That's not true.

I just hate all these
extroverted, obnoxious,

pseudo-bohemian losers.

the Donnie g show. Donnie g!

Nothing but classic rock

coming at you
this beautiful evening.

You're listening
tokfto--

God, that asshole's
voice is so hateful.

11 minutes
from the top of the hour--

no wonder I never
listen to the radio.

Relax, Seymour. Relax.

He's just so shrill

and loud
and piercing.

I mean, it's like
I feel like

I'm being jabbed
in the face.

"Kto coming at you

on this
beautiful evening."

so.
Thank you.

Um...

Why'd you bring the record?

I brought it so
he can autograph it.

He's gonna be
amazed to see it.

It's one of only
2 known copies.

I can't believe
they have him

as the opening act

and not
the headliner.

It's--it's--
what an insult!

You know, there's
gonna be lots of girls

for you to pick from
at this bar.

I'm not
holding my breath

in that department.

Seymour, loudly:
What, are we

in slow motion here?

Come on, what are
you, hypnotized?!

Have some more kids,
why don't you?

Jesus Christ,
move it!

Seymour! God.

I can't believe
these people.

They could
at least turn off

their stupid
sports game

until he's
done playing.

Thank you.

Announcer: Don't go away,
we gotblues hammer

coming up in just a minute.

Hey, check that out.

She's nice...

but, you know.

Offer her a seat.

No.

I'll do it.
No, no, no, no.

W-wait, wait.
Let me think of

something to say
to her, first.

Ahh.

Hi.
Hello.

That was great music, huh?

Yeah,
I just love blues.

Actually, technically, uh...

what he was
mostly playing

would more accurately
be classified

in the--the ragtime idiom.

Al--although, of course,
not in the strictest sense

of the classical
ragtime piano music, uh,

like that of Scott joplin
or Joseph lamb.

Authentic blues has a--
has a more conventional

12-bar structure
in its stanzas.

Oh. If you like
authentic blues, uh,

you really gotta
check out

blues hammer.

They're so great.

Hi, hi!

Lance: All right, people,
are you ready to boogie?

'Cause we gonna
play some authentic,

way-down-in-the-delta blues.

So get ready
to rock your world!

 Well I been plowin'
behind the mule, son

 Picking cotton
all day long

Yes I been plowin'

 Picking cotton
all day long

 I said lordy, baby

 but my woman she be gone

well, now I remember
why I haven't been

anywhere in months.

It's simple
for everybody else.

You give 'em a big Mac
and a pair of nikes

and they're happy.
I just--i--

I can't relate
to 99% of humanity.

Well, I can't relate
to humanity, either,

but I don't think
it's completely hopeless.

Well, it's not
completely hopeless

for you.

I'm not even
in the same universe

as those creatures
back there.

We just need to
find you a place

where you can meet someone
who isn't a complete idiot,

that's all.

Why do you care so much
if I get a date or not?

I don't know.

Guess I just can't
stand the idea

of a world where
a guy like you

can't get a date.

What the--what
is this, Seymour?

Oh, that.

I borrowed that from work
about 15 years ago.

I guess it's mine now.

Were you a klansman
or something?

Yeah, I'm a klansman.

You know thecook's
chicken franchise?

"4-piece cook's special,

"deep-fried
with side and slaw.

It's outrageous!"

yeah, well,cook's
is just a made up name.

Back in 1922,
they were originally

called
coon chicken inn.

That's an
early painting

of their first logo.

Oh--

how come everybody
doesn't know this?

It's ancient history.

Same reason nobody knows

about this
Lionel belasco record.

Actually, I was
more interested

in the whole
cook's phenomenon

when I was about your age.

Sort of lost interest when
I started working for them.

You worked
for cook's chicken?

For 19 years.

Were you a fry cook
or something?

Nothing so glamorous,
actually.

I'm an assistant manager
at their corporate headquarters.

Jesus, I'd go nuts

if I had to work
in an office all day.

So, I don't really
get it.

Are you saying
that things

were better back
then, even though

there was stuff
like this?

I suppose things
are better now, but--

I don't know,
it's complicated.

People still hate each other,
but they just know

how to hide it better
or something.

Can I borrow this?

For what?

I promise I'll take
good care of it.

I don't know,
they're very sensitive

about that kind
of stuff at work.

Don't you trust me,
Seymour?

Let's address, um,
discussion to this piece.

Mm-hmm?

I don't like it.

Can you tell us why?

I don't know.

I think
it's totally weak.

Yeah, it's totally
offensive.

Yeah. I agree.

It's not right.

Well, these are all
valid comments, but...

I think we should see
if the artist

has anything
to bring to this.

Well, I...found this

when I was doing
some research,

and I discovered
that cook's chicken

used to be called
coon chicken.

So, I decided
to do my project

based on this discovery

as kind of a, uh,
a comment on racism.

And how it's
whitewashed over

in our culture.

Did you actually
do this painting?

Well, no, it's more
of a--a found art...object.

And how do you think

this addresses
the subject of racism?

It's complicated.

Uh, I guess I'm--
I'm trying to show

how racism used to be
more out in the open,

and now it's hidden...
or something.

And how do you think
an image like this

helps us to see that?

Um...i'm not sure.

I guess because when we
see something like this,

you know, it seems
really shocking.

And...we...have to wonder

why it's so shocking.

I don't really
know what to say, enid.

I think it's a remarkable
achievement.

Manager: I'm gonna
let you handle

the 4:30 crowd
by yourself.

And that way, I can
evaluate your performance

while it's slow.

And then we'll ease you
into the big crowds. All right?

You can count
on me, sir.

Cool.

Do you serve beer
or any alcohol?

I wish.

Actually, you wish.

After about 5 minutes
of this movie,

you're gonna wish
you had 10 beers.

What are you doing?

You don't ever
criticize the feature.

Why? What's
the difference?

I mean, we already
got his money.

Look,
that's the policy, ok?

If you want to make up
your own rules,

open up your own theater.

And let me have
lots of butter on it.

Ew!

Ahem.

Here you go.

Smothered in delicious
yellow chemical sludge.

What the hell
is wrong with you?

What?

I was just joking around
with the customers.

It's my shtick.

Well, lose it.

And why aren't you
pushing the larger sizes?

Didn't you get training
about up-sizing?

Yeah, but I feel
really weird.

It's pretty sleazy.

It's not...
optional!

Jesus.

Hi. Uh, can I get
a medium 7 up?

Medium?

Why, sir,
do you not know

that for a mere
25 cents more

you could purchase
a large beverage?

And you know, I'm only
telling you this

because we're
such good friends.

Medium is really
only for suckers

who don't know
the concept of value.

What are you
talking about?

I mean, what kind
of loser gets fired

after one day?

Look, I told you, the manager
was a total asshole.

I'll get another job.

Besides,
I have some ideas

to make money
in the meantime.

Rebecca: I can't believe you're
selling some of this stuff.

Fuck it.
Everything must go.

I remember this hat.

This was during your
little old lady phase.

How much is this?

That's, um...
not for sale.

Wait a minute. It says $5.

I know, it's...

that's a mistake.

I'm--
I'm not selling it.

Tsh.

What was that
all about?

I thought
"everything must go"?

Yeah, right.

Like I'm really gonna
let some asshole

with a soul patch
own goofy Gus.

How much for this dress?

God, I can't believe
you're selling that.

That's $500.

What?

500.

You're crazy.

It should be like $2.

I was wearing that
when I lost my virginity.

Well, why do I care
about that?

Well, why do you want it?

I mean, it would
look stupid on you anyway.

God...fuck you!

So, now are you gonna
get a regular job?

Do you want
to do something tonight?

I can't. It's Seymour's
birthday tonight.

Oh, shit.
What time is it?

I'm supposed
to go to the store.

I was gonna
make him a cake.

Do you still want
to go shopping tomorrow?

Uh, yeah, I guess.
Call me.

Since when can you
make a cake?

[tango music playing]

Enid: Ok, you can open
your eyes now.

Oh, hey. Thanks, enid.
I really appreciate it.

No, blow it out,
doofus.

Ow.

Ahh...

are you ok?

Yeah.

Ooh, it's just
my stupid back.

I'll be all right
in a minute.

What is that?

It's, uh...

it's just this elastic thing
I have to wear sometimes

for lumbar support.

What? Like a girdle?

Maybe now you can understand
why I can't get a date.

Well, at least you're
not the only one.

I think only stupid people
have good relationships.

That's the spirit.

Actually, there
is this one guy

I have a crush on
right now, but, oh...

totally fucked-up
situation.

Oh, yeah?

Yeah. You met him,
remember? That guy Josh.

But I can't
do anything about it,

because Becky would
totally freak out.

Why?

Just forget it.
It's complicated.

Aren't you gonna
get that?

Let the machine get it.

I have no desire
to talk to anyone

who might be calling me.

And I'll call you
back as soon as I get home.

I knew it.
It's my mother.

Hi,
I'm calling for...

You placed an ad
in the weekly

over a month ago, and...

well, I'm the blond
in the yellow dress.

At least,
I think I am.

I saw the ad when you
first placed it,

but I was in this
relationship at the time,

so, I cut the ad out, and...

and I'm not
in a relationship anymore.

God, this is really
confusing.

Don't!

Anyway, if you still
want to talk to me,

I can be reached
at 555-2673.

That's my work number,
and, uh...

my name is Dana. uh...

ok! Bye.

Wow.

What was all that
about?

It's just somebody's
idea of a joke.

Uh, that didn't
sound like a joke to me.

What, did you...
place an ad

in the personals
or something.

Yeah. A long time ago.

She called before,
it's just...

somebody trying
to humiliate me.

I think you should
call her back.

Oh, look. We have
to get these.

You know, I can't afford
stuff like this right now.

Look, I'm sick of waiting.

I mean, we have to get stuff
if we're ever gonna move.

Aren't these
the greatest?

Tsh.

What? They're nice.

I can't imagine spending
money on plastic cups.

You don't have to,
you know.

I mean, I'll pay for
everything now,

and you can pay me back
when you finally get a job.

You're insane.

So, are we still going
to that thing tonight?

What thing?

You know, that guy's band
is playing tonight.

Um...alien autopsy.

Actually, Seymour's
big date is tonight.

And I kind of want
to be around when he calls.

You know, so I can hear
how badly it went.

God, I'm so sick
of Seymour.

That was great.

Jeez, thanks a lot
for cooking.

Oh, I love to cook.

Yeah?

And I guess most women

wouldn't invite a guy over
on the first date, but...

I think you should
trust your instincts.

When I talked to you
on the phone

you just seemed so...

I don't know.
So harmless.

Thanks.

[blues record playing]

Ew.

Tsh.

[solidby ashford & Simpson
playing]

Mmm. Mmm.
I love this song.

 Solid as a rock

[turns music way up]

Isn't it great?

 That's what
this love is

Doesn't it make you
want to dance?

Come on!

No, I don't--
I don't really dance.

Oh, come on, Seymour.
Don't be silly.

Anybody can dance.

Here, follow me.
Watch my feet.

 Solid as a rock

No, really, no--

oh, come on, Seymour.

I, uh...

just feel the music.

Loosen up.
It's all in your head.

Here, let's put down
your bowl of ice cream.

Wow, it's 10:00 already.

If we're gonna
make that movie,

don't you think
we should go?

Ok. Party pooper.

I'm so excited
to see this film.

Dustoff varnya is such
a brilliant director.

Did you see his last film...

the flower
that drank the moon?

Oh, it was...glorious.

Must have
missed that one.

Then again,
what do I know?

I like Laurel and Hardy
movies.

Really? Never really
cared for those.

I mean,
why does the fat one

always have to be so mean
to the skinny one?

Hello?

Hey. It's me.

Oh, hi. uh...

so...what happened?

Um...actually, it's still
kind of happening.

She's over here right now.

I--i think it's going
pretty well.

What? You're joking.

Yeah, so, I better go.

It's not really the best
time to talk. ok?

What, are you gonna, like,
have sex with her

on your first date?

Jesus, I'll--

I'll talk to you
later. Ok? Bye.

That's my mother.

Oh.

Anybody home?

Woman: Duncan, please.

We're having
a private conversation.

Hello?

Do you still
want to do something tonight?

What happened
to Seymour?

I can't believe this.
He actually scored.

God, how repulsive.

So, should I come over?

Um...actually,
I was just about

to go out
with some friends.

What are you
talking about? Who?

Just some people
from work.

I don't believe you.

You know, you said
you busy, so...

look, I better
get going.

Um...

I guess I'll call you
tomorrow.

Boo!
Oh!

Please.

Boy.

So, where have you been?

I've been looking
all over for you.

I've been
wandering the streets,

day and night,
trying to find you.

Really?

No. Joe told me
where you are.

But...how come you never
call me anymore?

I know. I'm sorry.

I've just been...
really busy.

So, um...

how are things going
with...

what's her name?
Dana?

Dana.
Hmm.

Um...pretty well.
Surprisingly, uh, you know.

yeah. It's good.

What do you do together?

She...into your old
records and stuff?

Um, yeah, sort of.

Uh, I mean, she doesn't
dislike that stuff.

Anyway, she's trying.

Actually, we're supposed
to go, um, antique shopping

for her apartment
this afternoon.

Oh.

Sounds good.

Mmm. So, um,
we should get together.

Um, I'll, uh, I'll, uh,
definitely give you a call

this, uh, week
or something.

Are you trying
to get rid of me?

No, no, no. No, no.
It's just that I--

I, um, I should be going
in a few minutes, and...

are you even gonna...
ask how I'm doing?

Sorry.

So, um...

how are you?

I don't know.
Good, I guess.

Seymour.

Oh, hello.

Guess I'm a little
early.

Dana.

Um, Dana--

this is--this is,
uh, enid.

Hello.

It's great
to finally meet you.

So, um...

how do you two
know each other?

Um--

kind of surprised
he hasn't mentioned me.

We're old friends.

Really?

Yeah. Very close.

In fact, I was standing
right next to him

the first day
you called.

You know, if it
wasn't for me,

he would have never
called you back.

Is that right?

I--I would have--

well, I've really
got to get going.

But, uh, I'll stop by

and see you sometime,
Seymour.

Really was...
great to meet you.

Now remember,

the art show
is this Saturday,

7:30 P.M., sharp.

Bye. Bye, Margaret.

Oh, and Justin.

I'm sorry.

Oh! I'm gonna really miss
all of you people.

I hope that each of you
feels as if you'll be

taking away something
from this experience.

Thanks. So long,
everyone.

Uh...

Enid, can I speak
to you for a moment?

Uh-oh.

Don't worry,
it's nothing bad.

I got a call from
a close friend of mine

at the academy of art
and design,

and she tells me

I'm allowed
to place one student

from your
graduating class

for a full one-year
scholarship,

and I took the liberty
of submitting your name.

Hmm.

As far as a know
it includes housing

and meals and everything.
It's really quite an offer.

Huh.

Well, let me know
as soon as you can, enid.

This could be a really
great thing for you.

Pumpkin?

honey?

I'm coming in.

Well, I have
some good news.

What is it now?

Are you still
looking for a job?

I guess.

Ok, 'cause Maxine thinks
she can get you a job

at computer station.

And normally, you know,
you have to have

a lot of references,
and--i don't know,

at least 2 years
of experience,

but she thinks
she can convince them.

Hmm.

Tell her to forget it.
I don't need her help.

Ok...that's, uh,
that's--that's, uh...

you know, if--
if--if--if--if that's...

I--mm-hmm.

Awful!
Just awful!

I will take care of it,
I promise you.

I will handle it.
I promise, ok? Thank you.

Excuse me.

I'm sorry, I need to speak
with her for a second.

Well, enjoy the show.

Thank you.

Yes, what is it,
Phyllis?

I am sorry,
but you are simply

going to have
to remove that painting.

Several of the parents have
complained about it already.

Well, I will do
no such thing.

Then I guess I'm going
to go over there

and take it down myself.

I think we should
give the artist

a chance to talk
with the parents

about her intentions
with this piece.

We should be promoting
discussion as a solution

instead of censorship.

Censorship?!
Yes.

Oh, that is such
a big word

for you, Roberta.

Excuse me.

Do not touch that--

ok, I have a solution.

Thank you, everyone,
for your patience.

Enid!

Margaret...
have you seen enid?

I don't think
she's even here.

You're kidding. Well...

All right. There we go.

Thank you,
very much.

Uh...

Hi!
Oh, hi.

So, um...excuse me.

So, there's
this stupid art show

I'm going to tonight,

and I want you
to be my date.

There's something
I want to show you.

Uh...yeah, I...

I don't think I should.

Of course you should.

I'm already a million
hours late. Come on.

I better not.

Ok. Well, forget
the art show.

Let's do
something else, then.

I really...

wish I could,
enid, but...

you know, Dana just got out
of a really bad relationship,

and I don't want her to have
the wrong idea. You know?

Hey, what's happening?

Where'd you get
those pants?

They were a present
from Dana.

You like them?
They a good fit?

Yeah, whatever.

I mean, what do I know
about clothes?

It's nice to have somebody
do all the work for me.

Joe: I'll just
be in my room.

What's her deal, anyway?
Did she actually tell you

that you can't
see me anymore?

No. No, I mean...

not exactly, I mean,
she--she just, uh...

she just doesn't
understand

how I would know
someone like you.

What does that mean?
"someone like me."

just...someone so young.

Don't worry. I won't
bother you anymore.

Hi.

Hello.

Do you remember me?

Sure. Sure.

You know, you're like
the only person

in this world
that I can count on.

Because,
no matter what,

I know you'll
always be here.

Well, that's what
you think.

I'm leaving town.

Enid: Where are we? This
is such a weird neighborhood.

This is a totally normal,
average neighborhood.

3128...

that must be it.

Great.

What? What's wrong
with it?

It looks totally normal.

What? I said great.

Yeah, I can tell
you really love it.

Uhh...what am I
supposed to say?

"Gee, I can't wait
to live in some

depressing shit-hole

out in the middle
of nowhere"?

You know, you hate every
single place that we look at.

I mean, why don't you
just tell me

that you don't want
to live with me anymore?

Because...

you'll totally freak out

and act like a psycho
about it!

What?!

You're the psycho.

I mean, you've
totally ignored me

ever since
high school ended.

You're the one
who's still living out

some stupid,
seventh grade fantasy!

"Your own apartment."

fuck you.

Have fun living
with your dad

for the rest
of your life.

God. Fuck you, too.

Pumpkin?

Pump--pumpkin?

Honey?

What's wrong?

Nothing.

Because, honey,
if something's wrong,

I'd love it if we
could talk about it.

It's nothing.

It's just some
hormonal thing.

Don't worry
about it.

Ok, because, you know,

I have some very,
very important news,

uh, to talk about.
And...you know,

if you're not feeling well,
we can just do this

some other time.

What?

Well, Maxine and I have been
seeing a lot of each other.

And we were thinking
it might be really best

for all of us if,

at the end of the summer,

she came here
to live with us.

And, you know,
we could really just

see how we got along
together,

and...and, uh,
see if this is--

Is this
your first death mask?

All artists
have to suffer.

Um, hi.

Oh, just a minute.

I, um, I brought
the application

for the art academy.

I just hope
it's not too late.

I am so sorry about
what happened, enid.

What do you mean?

Well, the whole business
with the art show

and the newspaper--
it's just absolutely...

well, they're forcing me
to give you

a non-passing grade
in the class.

Can't I still get a scholarship
to the art academy?

Well, I'm sorry, enid--

Can you
help me out here?

I can't breath
under this mask.

That's fine. That's fine.

Just breathe.
Don't worry about it.

Hey, what are you
doing here?

I needed to see you.

What's up?

Can you at least
let me in?

Yeah. Sure.
Come on in.

Look, I just need someone
to be nice to me

for, like, 5 minutes,

and then I swear
I'll leave you alone.

What's the matter?

Do you have anything
to drink?

Yeah, well, there might
be some root beer.

What's this?

That's Dana's.

We're supposed to be saving it
for our 2-month anniversary.

You better not--

I mean, you like me.
Right, Seymour?

We're good friends,
right?

Yeah. Sure. Of course.

What is this?

Dana got it when we
went shopping for antiques.

She said it didn't go
with her stuff,

so she gave it to me.

Said it would go better
with my old-time thingamajigs.

Jesus,
how can you stand her?

How come
in all that time

I was trying
to get you a date

you never asked me out?

You're a beautiful
young girl.

I couldn't imagine
you'd have any interest in me

except as an amusingly cranky
eccentric curiosity.

At least you're not like
every other stupid guy

in the world.

All they care about
is guitars or sports.

I hate sports.

Maybe I should just...
move in with you.

You know,
I could do the cooking

and--and dust
your old records and stuff

until I get a job.

You know what my number one
fantasy used to be?

What?

I used to think
about one day...

just not telling anyone and
going off to some random place.

And I'd just...

disappear,

and they'd
never see me again.

Do you ever think
about stuff like that?

I guess I probably did
when I was your age.

You know what we should do?

We should just
get in your car right now

and just drive off.

Just find some
totally new place

and start a whole new life.

Fuck everybody.

I'm, uh, I'm not in any
good condition to drive.

I'm serious.

I'm just so sick
of everybody.

Why can't I just
do what I want?

What do you want?

What do you want?

Don't you like me?

Boy, I never expected
anything like this to happen.

Yeah. Well, me neither.

You must--you must know
I always...

hey, did you mean
all that stuff

about moving in with me?

I was just
thinking out loud.

I mean,
you know, you've...

got this thing
with Dana, and...

I'm not gonna let you
fuck that up.

Yeah, but I don't know.

I--I just--
shh.

I really need
to get some sleep.

Ok.

Good night.

Enid?

Right.

Oh, one second.

Seymour, hi!
Hi.

Sorry. Go ahead.

We're almost done.

Hi. Yeah.

No, it's excluded.

They've already paid
the earnest money.

Well, let's see
if they bring it up

if they notice it on
the final walkthrough.

Right.

Great. Sounds good.

Yes!
We did it!

Great job.
Thank you.

I'm proud of you.

Well, I'll catch
you guys later.

I'm gonna start
the paperwork.

Hi.
Hey.

Congratulations.

Thank you.
Have a seat.

So...

what brings you
down here?

Um...ahem.

I just, uh, really
feel like I--i, uh...

I need to--to say
something to you.

Um...

I've never said this
to anyone before.

Believe me, I've, uh...

I've stayed in horrible
relationships for years

just so I wouldn't
have to do this.

What are you
trying to say?

I think maybe
it's not such a good idea

that we keep going out.

It's Enid. Leave a message.

Seymour, here.

Um...i really
want to talk to you.

Uh, I've been thinking
about what you said

about moving in here,
and, um...

um, yeah, so just, uh...

um, give me a call
when you get a chance.

Ok, thanks. Bye.

Look, I'm really sorry
about the other day.

I don't know
what's wrong with me.

I really do want
to move in with you.

Look, I don't know.

I mean, I was thinking

maybe I should
just live alone, you know?

I've decided to rent
that place that we looked at,

and, um, I start
moving in next week.

Please let me
come with you.

Please.

Look, I don't know.

I don't think
it's such a good idea.

Of course
it's a good idea.

It's our plan.

Yeah, but how are you
gonna pay rent and everything?

You know, you don't even
have a job.

I'll get a job tomorrow.

I promise.

Maxine said she could get me
a job at computer station.

Please, Becca.

Tonight I have
a very special partner.

One who is
a performance artist

in sign language
for the deaf.

Please welcome
to the stage...

well, here's where
the fun never stops.

She could at least have
the decency to call me back.

Wasted time trying to logically
figure out the female brain.

That's for sure.

Maybe she got
another boyfriend.

Yeah, well, thanks
for cheering me up.

Oh, God.

It's Enid. Leave a message.

Oh, come on.

Hey, look at it this way...

at least things
can't get any worse.

Seymour, just the man
I want to see.

Step in here for a minute.

Have a seat.

What can you tell me
about this, Seymour?

So what do
you think?

It's fine.

Where's all your stuff?

There.

That's all
you're bringing?

No. I'm gonna pack up
the rest tonight.

I'll bring it over
sometime tomorrow.

What time?

I don't know. Noon?

All right, cool.

Just, uh, make sure
you're here by then,

because we got a lot
of stuff to do.

Oh, wait.

I gotta show you this.
It's just--

it's really cool.

Isn't it great?

 A smile
is something special

 A ribbon
is something rare

 So I'll be special,
and I'll be rare

 With a smile and a ribbon
in my hair

to be a girl they notice

 takes more
than a fancy dress

 So I'll be special,
and I'll be rare

 I'll be something
beyond compare

 I'll be noticed
because I'll wear

A smile and a ribbon in my hair

What's wrong with you,
retard?

It's 3:30.

Oh, hi. Um, Enid's stepmother
told me that she'd be here.

She's not at home?

No, they--they told me
that she'd be here.

Well,
where the fuck is she?

She was supposed
to be here 3 hours ago.

Well, do--do you mind
if I wait?

I really need
to talk to her.

Are you sure
she wasn't there?

I mean, maybe she was just
hiding from you or something.

Why would she
be hiding from me?

I don't know.

I mean,
where is she, then?

Maybe she's with Josh?

Josh? Why would
she be with Josh?

I really don't know
enough about it to...

but why did you say that
she was hiding from me?

Did she say anything
to you about me?

Yeah. She thinks
you're a dork.

She said that?

Well, what do you expect?

I mean, considering
how we met you.

What do you mean?

She didn't tell you
about that?

What are you
talking about?

On that pathetic
fake blind date?

What fake blind date?

What are you
talking about?

Here.

Look.

Hey!

Did you have a good
laugh at my expense?

What do you mean?

Did you--did you think
that's funny?!

Here, is that funny?!

I'll show you
something funny.

Hey! Damn it.
Come on.

Get!

Not so cool now, are you?

Hey! Hey! Hey!

What's going on?!

Call the cops, man.
Citizen's arrest.

You!
Call the cops!

Get the hell
out of my store!

All right. Hey, hey!
No need to get violent.

I'm outta here.

Is there
a place where nature

can still live and breathe?

Where an oil company
puts nature ahead of profits?

Hi.

Hey.

Are you ok?

You seem a little stoned.

What are you on?

High on life.

Look, Seymour,
I came by to tell you

how really, really sorry
I am about everything.

I know you probably
totally--

you don't have to--
please.

Don't say anything.

I know I'm a total
disappointment to everyone.

I just quit my job
this morning

and then I had
a fight with Becky,

because I told her I wasn't
gonna move in with her,

and she really
just wants to kill me.

And there's just no way
to explain how I feel.

I don't...

I guess I just have
to figure myself out.

Enid, I'm not mad
at you.

I know I'm just a dork.

Seymour,
you are not a dork.

Yeah.

Sure I am.

You are such
a stupid idiot.

Did you even look through
the rest of the book?

See?

You're like...
my hero.

Thanks
for waiting.

Is he gonna be ok?

I think
he'll be fine.

What are you
gonna do now?

I'm not sure.

I'd better get going.
I'm gonna be late for work.

Call me, ok?

Well, I have to admit

that things are really
starting to look up for me

since my life
turned to shit.

Remember what I said
when we first started?

This little break-up
might be

the very best thing that
ever happened to you.

I think I'm ready
to get back to my old life.

You think that's too soon?

Why don't we start
with that next week?

Ok.

Thank you.

Don't thank me.

You're doing
all the work.

Bye.
Bye.

Is he done?

Yes.

Seymour, did you
have a chance to think

about what you
might want for dinner

while you were in here?

No, I haven't.

Maybe we could
discuss it in the car?

See you next week.

Not too funny now,
are you?!

Hey!

Motherfuckers!

Fuck with me?!